i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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