I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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