my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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