i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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