my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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