i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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