after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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