Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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