either way he was missing a nipple.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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