Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize