Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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