i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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