i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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