I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize