I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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