Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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