I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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