Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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