Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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