Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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