When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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