I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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