I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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