She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize