I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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