What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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