If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I supernannyed him into submission
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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