On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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