So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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