Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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