when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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