I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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