So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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