Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize