i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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