I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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