my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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