i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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