How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i want to swaddle you in tequila
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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