oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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