toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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