So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize