my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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