She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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