I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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