Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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