she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I still have a little drunk in my system
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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