i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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