The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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