Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize